I’m not sure exactly when it started. But, somewhere along the way I stopped believing I could sing.
I have been singing my entire life. I remember my mother telling me repeatedly that my elementary school choir teacher told her that I had a voice that would stay. I “would always be able to sing,” she said. She told me that over and over. I should have believed it. But, at some point, I stopped believing. I sang at special events in High School, one musical (which I auditioned for to be in the chorus and got one of the leads), talent shows, and the National Anthem anytime I was asked. But, I wasn’t in the school choir and didn’t get any additional singing training at that time. I didn’t sing much in college. All the girls that lived with me during that time would beg to differ. Because, I always had a song in my head and heart. And, if I was walking or moving, I was singing while I was doing it. But, I didn’t join the choir. I wasn’t a part of any University singing groups. I took one singing class toward my degree. And, I sang at my sorority house a lot. However, I never found a church home in college and kind of lost my voice along the way.
In Los Angeles, just after college, I pursued an acting career and worked in Public Relations (my degree Concentration at the University of Texas.) I sang karaoke with friends a number of times and was drawn to church communities where the worship music was amazing. And, I sang in the weddings of some of the most special and amazing friends anyone could ever hope to have on this earth. But, I still didn’t sing as a big part of my life.
After moving to Houston, getting married, and then having our first son, I felt drawn to sing at our church and be a part of worship leading as a background singer. I felt the calling, but I didn’t understand it. Even meeting with the worship leader at the time, I never would have expected him to ask me to sing with him and the team for the next two years. But, he did. That is when I began to sing, to really sing again. Nearly seven years ago. When the calling that God has on my life began to really become clear to me. I was a wife, a new mother of an infant and I was living in a new city. And, I finally started listening to the right voice.
Even at my high school reunion, I heard someone mock me. This wasn’t even someone that I graduated with or had ever met before. He/she said “oh, just wait, I bet she is about to start singing the National Anthem.” ha. ha. ha. I was hurt. I helped plan the reunion with several of my friends. I took time away from my new baby to work on planning. And, to hear that, my feelings were hurt. And, I heard them saying (in my mind) “she can’t sing. She should just go away.” But, those voices, the ones that said “I can’t” are not more powerful than the one that says “I can.” And, “I should” and “it’s not about me” so “buck up and get out there and sing your heart out to the Glory of God, girl, because that is what you were made to do!”
God has a mighty plan for me. And, He has a mighty plan for You.
Even being asked to lead worship at my home church now over three years ago, I still believed it was my heart, and not my voice that put me in this position. I know that is true in part. It is my heart, but I can also sing well with my whole heart and voice.
Sunday night I was a part of a concert at our home church. This was a very special concert celebrating the gifts of our church community and many local Houstonians. All the works presented were arranged, composed or written by Houston composers. Many of whom were in the room. I had the honor of singing three of my songs. Three songs that I’ve written. Three songs that are going to be on my first album coming out this year. One of them, an updated arrangement of a hymn with an original chorus. Each of the songs I am proud of. Each of them I am inspired by. And each one I was blessed to share. Two of my talented friends accompanied me on piano and guitar. Making the fact that they were done acousticly (a departure from the record) really special. They came alive. I was happy. I felt the Holy Spirit through it all.
The talent on display that night was amazing. The classically-trained voices, the perfect harmonies, flawless melodies, the skill of the conductors and musicians. It was all very beautiful and moving. It is this kind of night in recent years when I would feel like I wasn’t a singer. I’m not trained. At least I haven’t had a voice lesson since I was in the Woodlands Youth Chorale many many moons ago. And, I don’t sing perfectly. At least it’s not what I consider perfect. I hear the perfect melodies of others, the way they sing with ease and hit high notes that give me chills. I’m amazed and I love it. It’s not me. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t sing.
God gave me a voice. He’s given me melodies to sing, lyrics to inspire and a heart that is willing and ready to share with others. I can sing. I am a singer. I have a God-given gift of song. Writing music is a huge part of that gift, but singing it and connecting to it and to others through it and to God through it and connecting others to God through it, that’s my gift. I know now that God has given me this gift and he’s given me amazing opportunities to use it. I am going to believe in Him. Believe in His plan, and the hope and future He has for me and my family.
In Romans 15, God’s word says ,”May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”
Listen to God’s voice. He has a plan for you. Gifts He wants you to use for His good. Maybe you haven’t tried it yet. Maybe you’ve been using your gift as a hobby for 28 years and now is time to live it! Be encouraged today. And, don’t be afraid to use your gifts and be who you were made to be.